The other day, my roommate, his friend that is a girl that might be his girlfriend but I don't know, and myself were all chillin' in our room. They were doing whatever they do, and I was playing my ukulele. I out my uke down on my bed and went into the hallway to use the water fountain to fill up my Brita pitcher. I came back to find this:
The worst part was, he is way better at uke than I will ever be. Also, he is way better at guitar than most people could ever hope to me. My roommate is an all-around beast at music. He records and junk with his laptop, like profession-level recording. Anyway. I saw him playing my ukulele, which was like him ripping my legs off, beating me to death with them, and then putting them on instead of his legs and proceeding to win the World Cup. There might have been a slight discrepancy between how I acted and how I felt...
No one touches my ukulele but me.
Another thing that I really hate is when people bend over to pick something up and you get a face-full of their ass crack. But what I hate even more is when you are at Walmart and you walk around the corner and see some grouchy old fat lady on a power scooter bending over and showing the entire world her thong. Yes. I said it. Her thong.
I'm not sure what was worse, the fact that we accidentally were forced to lose a part of our souls that day, or the fact that she had more impressive facial hair than me. Pat and I proceeded to weep and try to pluck out our eyeballs with whatever sharp instruments we could find. Turns out there are not a whole lot of those in the Nerf aisle of Walmart.
Please, for the love of all that is fun and wonderful, stop doing things that I hate.
I <3 my bffl Keeeegs.
ReplyDeleteimma be sleepin in yo bed in 2 weeks!